The Bachelor Party
by Crysania
Summary: Tumblr prompt: If you're looking for Rumple and Charming BROTP prompts, how about Charming giving Rumple a bachelor party on the night before a Rumbelle wedding? Rumple is very reluctant with this whole male-bonding experience since he's never had guy friends before, but, in the end, they both (plus whoever you want) have fun.


He didn't know how he let them talk him into it. Rumplestiltskin has never been a man's man. He's the monster that haunts their nightmares, the one who steals their children away, the one they avoid at all costs. In their world he lived a lonely existence in a castle far from the rest of humanity. In Storybrooke he lives in his mansion on the outskirts of town and no one comes to visit him there.

Or at least, they didn't. Until Belle came along. She was the kind of person that people adored, bubbly, intelligent, always willing to listen to someone's problems and offer sage advice if needed. Sometimes he thought she could take over Archie's place as town psychiatrist, give the cricket a run for his money. But no, she had instead focused all her time and energy on _him_, as unworthy as he was of the attention.

It had taken him months of talking himself into it to ask her to marry him and she had accepted so quickly he wondered why he had ever doubted her love.

Then the whirlwind had begun. Belle was a force to be reckoned with and it seemed that at every turn he was capitulating to her. The bridal shower, the wedding that started off as a small thing at the courthouse and had ended up as some big ceremony done up in the church, the reception that Granny was organizing, bridesmaids, groomsmen. The latter was almost ridiculous. Rumplestiltskin had no friends. But Belle had somehow managed to get Charming to stand up for him, and talked Grumpy and Archie to come along with him. He didn't want to know what she had promised them in exchange for their pretending to actually be close enough to him to be his friends.

He hadn't quite decided if he was thankful or embarrassed by it all. He couldn't wait for the whole damned affair to be over so he could have his Belle to himself and let the rest of the town go to hell. Not that Belle would allow the latter to happen. She had become rather invested in the town's welfare since being freed from her imprisonment, fighting against Regina any chance she got. She was a brave, fierce little lion, his Belle.

It was the night before their wedding and Belle had insisted on going out with the girls for a "bachelorette party." No guys allowed. Especially not him. He had no idea what exactly that might entail, where the girls were going, what they might do, but he knew it probably didn't bode well. Ruby had picked her up, dressed in her usual tight and revealing outfit, make-up somewhat overdone. He had cringed, worried about his Belle. _If anything happens to her, I will hold you personally responsible. _Belle had laughed. Ruby had glared at him. And then he was left blessedly alone.

He had decided that he would spend his last day as an unmarried man holed up alone in his house, some Schubert on the stereo, a glass of expensive Scotch in hand.

He should have known the peace and quiet would be too good to last.

The knock on the door came before he had even raised the glass to his lips for the first time. He shut his eyes briefly and sighed before getting up to answer the door.

"And what, pray tell, does Charming want help with _this_ time?" He raised an eyebrow and watched the younger man run his fingers through his hair.

"There's...um…"

"That's what I thought. Have a nice night." He started to shut the door but David raised a hand to it, spreading out his fingers over the door and stopping it before he could finish the motion.

Rumplestiltskin sighed. "You seem to be blocking my door, Mr. Nolan."

David just smirked at him. "Yup."

"You're not letting me out of this, are you?"

"Nope." Still that same damned smirk.

He heaved another sigh, thinking of his glass of perfect Single-malt Scotch waiting for him on the table by his couch and the strains of Schubert's _Death and the Maiden_ String Quartet he could still hear emanating from his living room, and stepped outside, locking the door behind him.

As David opened the door of his truck and waved him in, Rumplestiltskin turned to look at him, eyes slightly narrowed. "There's no emergency, is there?"

Another smirk. "Nope."

* * *

David pulled up in front of Rumplestiltskin's cabin and he just gave the younger man a look. One of _those_ looks, the kind that was so withering that most simply backed off and left him alone. David, as obtuse as ever, still wore that same grin as he shut the truck off and hopped out. "Come on."

_Unbelievable_.

This was all Belle's doing. He just had a _feeling_. Only she would be able to talk David Nolan into practically kidnapping him and dragging him out to his _own_ cabin. He hesitated, still holding onto the door. He could escape, hotwire the rusted out old thing and take off. Not that he knew how to hotwire a car, but he was sure a little magic would get the thing moving. "What exactly are we doing here?"

"Not telling. Come on." David reached out and grabbed his arm.

"This is _my_ cabin."

"I know. That's why we're using it."

What did that even _mean_? He knew Belle would let him have it if he didn't set foot in the cabin, so he followed behind David, docile as…well, not as a lamb. As a lion pretending to be a lamb, perhaps, the perpetual wolf in sheep's clothing and all.

When he stepped in behind David, he found his eyes widening. It seemed Belle had done more convincing than he expected.

Grumpy was lounging in the sofa that he had never quite gotten the blood off of and so concealed it with a hideous flower print cover he had found in the back of the pawnshop. Grumpy gave him a nod and a rather gruff "Hey" before picking up the beer he was already drinking. There was a second one, empty, sitting on the table nearby.

"Leroy, I thought we were _waiting_." David spoke in a stage whisper and Rumplestiltskin just rolled his eyes.

"I needed some just to get through this."

Archie was sitting rather stiffly at the rickety table that he had stored in the cabin, hoping to repair it someday but never quite getting around to it. Because who, after all, actually _bought_ anything from the pawnshop. "Hi Mr. Gold."

"She roped you into this too?"

"She?"

David reached out a hand and clapped Rumplestiltskin on the back. "This isn't Belle's doing."

"Yours?" The guilty look on David's face told him all. He groaned. Leave it to "Prince Charming" to hatch this ridiculous little plan all on his own.

Glancing around the room he saw someone else tucked into the corner. He squinted into the darkness. "Who are you?"

"Anton."

Rumplestiltskin shook his head, turned to look at David. "Do I know him?"

"He was a giant."

"Giant?"

"The ones with the beans," Anton supplied, rather unhelpfully if he really thought much about it.

"I see." He turned to look back at David. "I don't know him. Why is he here?"

"Leroy talked him into coming."

"Why?"

"Because I did." Grumpy stood and strode to the refrigerator, grabbed a beer. "Just sit down and enjoy your damned bachelor party." He shoved the beer into Rumplestiltskin's hand before returning to his seat.

"I see." David directed him into a chair. The "seat of honor" as he called it.

"So what do we _do_?" Bachelor parties were a product of this world, not their old world, where marriages tended to be arranged or simple affair between peasant folk. There were no elaborate rituals involving men celebrating one's last night as an unmarried man. And he certainly never expected anyone to try to celebrate _his_ last night. If anything, he expected the town to spend that particular evening trying to talk Belle out of marrying him.

"The strippers will be here soon," Grumpy said, a leer across his face.

"Strippers?" This was _definitely_ not planned by Belle.

"Yeah, you know…G-strings, shaking their…"

"There are no strippers," Archie said quickly, his face bright red.

Grumpy's head snapped toward him. "No strippers?"

"No."

Grumpy narrowed his eyes at David. "I thought there were going to be strippers."

"We…uh…couldn't find anyone to do it." David gave a pointed look at Rumplestiltskin.

"What if we send him home?"

"It's _his_ party…"

"Strippers?" Rumplestiltskin asked again, shaking his head, eyes squinted half shut.

"Ok guys. Stop," David said, holding up his hands. "There are _no_ strippers. There will not _be_ any strippers. And this is Gold's party." He turned to him. "And we do what he wants to do."

"Fine then. Take me home." It wasn't too late to listen to that Schubert String Quartet, after all.

"Anything but that."

He sighed, looked around his cabin. He wondered if he could send them all packing and just stay at the cabin until Belle thought to come looking for him. Somehow he thought that wouldn't go over well. It seemed Charming, at least, was trying for some strange male bonding ritual. "Fine." He looked quickly around the room and a sly grin settled on his face. "Pull the table out into the middle of the room. Five chairs around it."

He stood off to the side, leaning on his cane as the others did as he asked. When the table and chairs were set, he made his way over to it, looking down at the surface. "Come gentlemen. Please…do have a seat."

David waved at them and reluctantly they each found a place to sit.

"Excellent." With one wave of his hand a board appeared on the table, followed by several wooden tokens of varying colors. "This, gentlemen, is the game of Risk."

They all groaned.

Oh yes, he knew this was going to be _great_ fun.

* * *

Archie was the first one out. He was too mild-mannered to make it in a war game and so meekly defended his territories. Rumplestiltskin took him out in one fell swoop within the first 15 minutes of the game. David seemed almost contrite over his quick exit from the game, but Archie looked most relieved.

Anton was out next. He had no real hope against an opponent like Rumplestiltskin, especially as he really didn't know what he was up against. Rumplestiltskin, of course, was ruthless. He was the chessmaster, the mastermind behind the curse and so many other aspects of their lives. David sometimes wondered how much of his life had been free will and how much of it had been Rumplestiltskin's maneuverings. He was often afraid to ask. Anton had spread himself too thin, trying to take over both North and South America. Rumplestiltskin swept in and took him out quickly. Anton retreated to his couch with another beer in hand.

David was a little bit more difficult to beat. He _had_ helped orchestrate a war against Regina's soldiers after all. He was no great strategist, but he had learned some during that experience. Don't spread yourself too thin. Defend the borders. It took nearly an hour of play to maneuver him off the board. Rumplestiltskin held Australia, North and South America, Africa, and half of Europe.

Grumpy was his final opponent and he was surprised to find the dwarf a fierce competitor. He defended his European borders with large sections of his army, attempting to beat back Rumplestiltskin's constant barrage of attacks. But finally he lost Europe, the armies still left standing forced to fall back to Asia. Upon perusing the board, Rumplestiltskin simply looked up at him and smirked.

"He's cheating," Grumpy muttered.

"I never cheat," Rumplestiltskin shot back, every word perfectly articulated. "If I did, this would have been over and I'd be back home in my quiet study with my glass of Scotch."

"I'm not so sure about that," David spoke up from his spot lounging in a chair across the room. He stood and walked over to them, perused the board. "You're enjoying this."

He didn't dignify that with an answer, instead turning back to the board.

The fight for Asia continued on for well over a half hour. He heard snores coming from the other side of the room and saw Anton passed out on the couch, mouth open, a bit of drool hanging out. He'd been drinking steadily the whole night. No doubt they'd have to help the giant turned dwarf back to wherever he lived when all of this was over.

Finally, one brilliant roll on Rumplestiltskin's part brought Grumpy's army to its knees. Triumphant, he placed his men on the final spot on Russia. The entire board now showed the black of Rumplestiltskin's army, the other colors well and truly vanquished. Grumpy departed the table to get another beer.

David gave Rumplestiltskin an appreciative look. "And now you're the dictator of your own little world."

"Exactly what I've always wanted," he shot back.

David shook his head. "No, I don't think that you do."

Rumplestiltskin gave him an assessing look. Sometimes it was uncanny how well David could read him. For someone who often seemed less than bright, he found it truly frightening how he seemed to understand him. "You're probably right. I'm afraid world domination is a little out of my realm of interest. That's more Regina's style." Truly all he wanted was Belle and his son and some peace and quiet. He had the former, would have her vowing to spend the rest of her life with him tomorrow, just as she once promised an imp _forever_. He almost had his son, had him at least beginning to soften toward him. He hoped with the end of this bachelor party and his marriage tomorrow, he would finally get the peace and quiet he so dearly craved.

"I know," David said and touched him lightly on the shoulder. "Ok guys," he announced to the rest of the room. "I think it's time to go home." It was well past midnight, the game having taken some three hours to get to its final stage.

Moving Anton, who was passed out cold on the couch seemed more difficult than it was worth. Rumplestiltskin found an old blanket and David covered the former giant with it and then scribbled a note about returning to pick him up in the morning. Archie, who had stopped drinking hours ago, offered to drive Grumpy home.

David took Rumplestiltskin back to his house. "I hope it wasn't too horrible," he said as the pawnbroker climbed a little awkwardly out of his large truck, managing to keep on his feet despite the large drop to the ground.

He had to stop and think for a moment about that one and finally met David's eyes. "Actually, I think I might have had a good time."

David nodded. "I think we did too. But…" He held up a hand. "I'm never playing you in Risk again."

Rumplestiltskin turned to walk away, stopping briefly to look back over his shoulder at him. "Your loss." And he made his way back into his house, stopping only briefly to turn off his stereo and give the wasted glass of scotch an annoyed look before climbing the stairs to his bedroom.


End file.
